{"id":590077,"date":"2021-03-03T18:14:17","date_gmt":"2021-03-03T23:14:17","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/joangarry.com\/?p=590077"},"modified":"2022-06-27T10:28:52","modified_gmt":"2022-06-27T14:28:52","slug":"oil-can-problem","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/joangarry.com\/oil-can-problem\/","title":{"rendered":"Do You Have an \u201cOil Can\u201d Problem?"},"content":{"rendered":"

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One aspect of 2020 that I think is overlooked is that the year brought out the adrenaline junkie that lives at or just below the surface of every nonprofit leader. The fixer, the problem solver, the person prepared to do whatever it takes.<\/p>\n

My clients and members of our Nonprofit Leadership Lab<\/a> are heroic every day but never more than the 365 days (or if you are a musical theatre fan, 525,600 minutes) of 2020. (Yes, I realize 2020 was a leap year, but I refuse to give it any more<\/em> days. 2020 was long enough!)<\/p>\n

You fixed, you problem solved, you leaped tall buildings in single bounds (nod to your Superman<\/em> tendencies<\/a>).<\/p>\n

How are you feeling right about now?<\/p>\n

A few months into a year in which you are probably feeling more optimistic (nothing like seeing \u2018shots in arms\u2019 to offer a shot in the arm for all of us).<\/p>\n

But you\u2019re really really tired right?<\/p>\n

My daughter Kit had febrile seizures as a toddler that demanded an ambulance and an E.R. visit. Fortunately she grew out of them after age 3 but when they happened, they were scary as hell and we did whatever it took to keep Kit calm.<\/p>\n

Not just Kit – her twin brother and her older sister too. We tried our best to keep calm while Kit\u2019s seizure was on full display. We learned the drill and an ice bath in the E.R. settled things down quickly. We\u2019d head home.<\/p>\n

And Kit was all smiles, we\u2019d tuck her into bed. And then Eileen (my wife) and I would fall totally and completely apart.<\/p>\n

But not before having some kind of argument with each other about who knows what. Or going way overboard, criticizing our other kids about something that could barely qualify as inappropriate or even worth noting.<\/p>\n

I see this behavior in my clients. Lots of misbehavior, uncivilized behavior towards one another, lots of misdirected anger. The craziness at home is now beginning to feel even more intolerable now that we can see glimmers of light about where 2021 might end.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s like me and Eileen after Kit was tucked into bed all smiles.<\/p>\n

We were big ol\u2019 messes.<\/p>\n

I have some advice. Definitely not about parenting. But about how to lead when the adrenaline rush wears off. And about what I call an \u201coil can\u201d problem.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

CUT EACH OTHER SOME SLACK<\/h2>\n<\/p>\n

I think people may not be seeing what I am seeing, especially boards.<\/p>\n

Executive directors exhale ever so slightly and they are kind of crumbling. And it\u2019s not just exhaustion. It\u2019s about having a short fuse – with your kids, your colleagues, maybe even the board.<\/p>\n

It is not a sign of weakness to bring your team together and own it. And have folks talk about it. Everyone has a personal story to mirror my own. As an executive director, use mine or one of your own to frame what\u2019s happening.<\/p>\n

Agree to treat each other with a measure of grace. Brainstorm ideas of what to do when the fatigue gremlins take over and you can feel that you are going to lose your temper. Try to create a conversation that allows people the space to say that this is all real AND to come up with strategies.<\/p>\n

I myself like \u2018buzzwords\u2019 and key phrases that almost add humor. For example, in our house we don\u2019t talk about being \u201changry\u201d (when someone is cranky b\/c they are hungry).<\/p>\n

Instead, we grabbed a phrase from The Wizard of Oz<\/em> when the Tin Man is discovered and his mouth is rusted shut. The joy he feels to be able to open his mouth and talk thanks to a simple oil can is palpable. So at our house, we don\u2019t say that people are \u201changry\u201d because it feels judgy.<\/p>\n

We ask \u201care you having an oil can problem?<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n

It injects humor and also leads that person to the fridge.<\/p>\n

TURN THIS INTO A PRODUCTIVE GROUP CONVERSATION<\/h2>\n<\/p>\n

I am encouraging every executive director to meet with his or her leadership team (or staff if the group is small). The goal is to focus on what you learned during your year as full-on adrenaline junkies. Frame the conversation with these simple questions to consider:<\/p>\n